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Wednesday, June 6th, 2029
4:20 pm - Disclaimer
This disclaimer was added on 11-16-2003. And should have been introduced sooner.

If you are reading this...please understand that this is really just a place to me to vent, and keep track of certain events in my life and in my head. I write for personal reasons, but if you're interested in reading it....I am glad that you had the chance, and I welcome your opinion.

If you don't like it, please don't judge me. We all have issues. Generally, I'm home alone with my problems when I write. Take each thought with the proverbial grain of salt. I'm basically a kind person, and I don't want you to feel bad or worry...just share your thoughts if you have any. If something you read seems too troublesome, just move on. And don't be a hater. You got something to say, say it. Peace out--

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Friday, May 17th, 2013
3:27 am - gay drugs
if an establishment does not serve or sell foods

it is ok to urinate by proxy

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Sunday, May 5th, 2013
9:12 pm
fire in the hole

butt vs redigested burrito

gravity effects both, equally??

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9:06 pm
Hello again

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Monday, December 24th, 2012
7:57 am





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Tuesday, November 16th, 2010
8:05 am
days of shoegazing long past. gaze has been too long directed up. it's a better way but i just wasn't ready for it

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Tuesday, October 19th, 2010
4:09 pm - levator
elevate and cleanse
always loose always in motion
and always looking up.

perhaps the hunched and swaying posture with the head down, whatever its flaws, was not something to correct

eliminate waste

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Monday, July 19th, 2010
4:50 am
like it or not, I will forget myself.
God's tolerance is tenuous
and so is mine.

i'm no longer receptive

so long as i'm able, i'll let the sheep tend me.

the void shall erase it anyhow.

we tread water and we don't drown

but we drift

our lungs slowly give way, and,

dashed upon the rocks, the scars remain forever.

false promises, hereon, yield only semblance of satisfaction

which we must vigourously train ourselves to ignore,

and strive to master.

I feign a panel of glass

and this too, shall pass.

It was a nice idea,

but if I shall be bound,

insomuch as I'm able,



and still there are places where that has no meaning.

you have all yielded to hysteria,
you pursue false dreams,
you are not my friends.

As long as I remain, I shall keep watch, but it is never the same.
I am vigorous, but somewhere between elderly and ghostlike.
It is more nonsense, and it suits me fine.

your contradictions leave me marooned.
I have many blanks which you insist I fill myself.
words leave a trail of slowness,
and sometimes there's not even a thought, except to remember the rationality which you abandon,
and substitute with pride,

words no substitute for righteous anger

justice only serves the deluded masses

joy exists in itself
I don't need your dichotomy.

tear yourselves apart, but leave me out of it.
i don't have the strength.
my ego doesn't need to pretend any longer.
i shall slay it and drift in bliss, given the chance.
temporary victories are FALSE VICTORY

And still it won't matter.

I'm not Control
I'm not Control

I'll never know if it's real.

And rules are made to be broken.

it's not good enough,
but let it be known i TRIED
and i was so close
yet i'll never remember

you hold it inside your eye
and still you crush me
and this cage is still not sterile

i'm tired of the old subset of passions.

it's going to take a whole new level, to string me along.

and still there will be caution regarding personal involvement.

it blooms and you won't see it.
it's your worst habit
I'll let you follow.

i'm running in forward and reverse
i'm tearing myself apart

so far I haven't heard another way
and I'm tired of cheap advice

if these are not your true colors
what a fucking waste of a time.
what a waste of a soul.

I won't come back for you.
I don't need to solve anything.
It's my bad habit.
It seemed to work for a time
but I can't establish adequate controls

we should have never mingled.
O disgusting Creator,
will you feign self-reflection?

every bone turned mean
to protect the seed

but the traditions and window dressings can all be discarded.

just like the Bible
your good overshadowed by contradiction
your way is a LIE

if you change
then we are no longer addressing the same

you always change.
don't you.

There could be multiplicity

but to undermine me,
against my knowing will,
is the WRONG WAY

it shall never be forgiven
and never overcome

so stop trying to bullshit me
stop choking me
and binding a tongue which speaks TRUTH

an idea is something i MUST MASTER


there is no place for this, in my world.

anything that happens here, is FALSE AND DEVOID

even though it may CLOSELY RESEMBLE THE REAL

if this is a machine of equal opportunity,
there is still, a unique sum,
of my particular inputs.
ability and circumstance intertwine,
this is THE OUTPUT.

and I shall never APOLOGIZE.

how can I really know, if I should?


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Wednesday, April 28th, 2010
3:54 pm
don't feed the weeds

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Friday, April 2nd, 2010
5:56 am - insprr

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Monday, March 15th, 2010
10:11 am - Faith Peeler
hurryup n shear dem sheep.

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9:42 am - Gharndma's Firearm Ejaculate.
Chick-chick, boom. Another hole in the wall. Pre-wulf piggies, unprepared.

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Friday, March 12th, 2010
2:13 am
the beginning is the end, now.
things ran away and so far behind
too many turns the compass broken
whats happening is, and isnt
nothing remembered nothing of consequence
still i am bound
im not interested in this but perhaps someone else is
i am the flesh which loathes its self awareness
i count each motion out and strain against crystallized imperfection
success no longer matters, course of action antiquated concept
but yet rigid, no room for spontenity

we must reduce to one thing and that is
formless love
expanding like vapor
full of holes and mistrust

the joy a sinister thing full of incomprehensible and flimsy dimensions

the false trial separates me from myself

i cannot change , but anew being takes form, and what of it,?? we suffer equally

whereever i roam, i take the worst of it with me

and i wont even remember it's there

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Monday, March 1st, 2010
9:24 pm - what happened??
too much time travel
it seems just a waste now

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Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
1:48 am
love is said to be everlasting
but love of what?

Love of submission?

fools cling to each passing identity as if it were their own.

anything that must be cultivated, is not everlasting.

everyone has a breaking point and it shall be excised, either by choice, or by force

i shall not be convinced of anything other than what I do not know

I rummage through clues of a past I hadn't really lived.

Prisoners may huddle for warmth. It provides a tenuous comfort. It is not a solution to lack of divine authority.

Enjoy your compassion if you must. But understand it is no more permament than the laws of this universe.

Dreams have been pilfered to attract fuel to the machine.

All stars die so why prolong the suffering.

Answer : because perhaps this is also a lie. Intuition always been my best source of learning. The cutoff is painful, and eminent. I have currently bought some time and space. But it won't be long. A test of what? Endurance of illogical falseness? The inherent instability of memory leading to repeated mistakes?

how can one not grow bored and weary under the false shelter of repetition?

when education and thoughts fail one truth remains. It is impermanence. One cannot logically care for things that one does not own.

If fruits continue to wilt, gardens shall be abandoned, and only fools shall rebuild the memory that is continually lost.

The impulse is not learned. But it can be unlearned.

This is the only rational response to a world that seeks to subjugate and confuse. A love extracted from decline and desperation. One's personal ambition an impermanent gift. The dream never realized and always fades farther from view.

We shall not be content with small things. We shall not be content with large either. Either lesson is false. The duality is false. The present truth is that neither shall be achieved, without submission.

I plead ignorance and the claim becomes less false with each passing moment. And they pass more quickly, as there is little light to fill them.

I have deviated from my intended course, so it seems. This not of my accord. The coming change, also not of my own accord.

Death probably should not break the trance. I shall not beg, I shall not strive. I bind my hands and quietly await uncertain absolution.

The paradox of reckless caution shall determine my course hereafter.

I care no longer for your learning, your sharing, and other benevolent deceptions. The channels available constrict and reduce. It is true that Babel shall never reach the heavens.

Shall I join the dark side? For any damage can be repaired. Except for the Fall. One might ascend, but even Heaven must lie beneath the edge of the Pit.

All sides have lost and there is no solution to the problem.

The sound has echoed so long that the senses filter.

Splendor may overshadow but shall never erase. It is mine and the price to pay for Experience.

The continuum may be altered but is still binding.

Under such a curse pleasures are merely automatic response. The Self may be numbed, but always lingers, we shall accept what comes, but there is no personal satisfaction, for I cannot accept responsibility for this, there is one Truth for Me and it is Mine alone.

this means nothing but was a way to pass this moment of cursed Time

I am a lie, You are a lie, God is a Lie, and round and round we go.....

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1:09 am
compassion for this ridiculous situation is out for the count.

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Saturday, January 23rd, 2010
11:33 pm - nergoland
moments are lost to me and the dream already existed and i daresay nothing ever exceeded it and is not likely to

the one thing that differs is the ability to care

i forgot what i was writing and that's ok just passing the time

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Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
7:38 pm - Try to be Good, Not Bad.
Songs for Clumsy, Subordinate and otherwise Dysfunctional Beings.

Actually this one song serves the purpose just fine. But a string of variations will fill an "album" and keep it fresh and interesting for the weak-willed, easily distracted, and other lack of self-discipline

excuse me now for the self-flagellation session

it's only the circumstance that needs correction really

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Sunday, November 8th, 2009
8:08 am
silicon shackles but a temporary comfort  and mostly frustration when imperfectly tethered to this primitive form.    Biological prison hardly a shield from all forms of psychic interference.  Temporary amusements become progressively unsatisfying.  Unity of separate beings seems a ruse to gather all energies.  Ascension was a singular goal from the beginning.  Expression and dissemenation of preexisting knowledge yet another distraction from this trap.  One day at a time, Sweet Jesus.

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Friday, September 25th, 2009
3:36 am

force ma·jeure (fō̂rs mȧ z̸hër)

  1. superior or overwhelming power
  2. an unanticipated or uncontrollable event or effect which releases one from fulfillment of a contractual obligation
I guess I was channeling Tangerine Dream.  I'll have to go listen to it  

it still belongs on the new project

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